Nothing new

I've started to write this post twice now and have deleted it twice because it wasn't going the way I wanted it to.  I don't want to make this blog about all the hardships we're going through, or just about the positives we've experienced, I want it to be all of that, the ups and downs, but after my last post, I didn't want to follow that with a down so here I am..... what do I write.... Right now, there's been more downs than ups and every day I get a little bit more emotional about everything.  Ooops, starting to go down and I didn't want to do that... SO..... maybe I should just end this post with, Happy Belated Birthday to Cody (2/25) and Happy Birthday to my mom (today)!  And I hope we don't get hit with all the snow we're supposed to be getting! EEEEK!!!!!  Hoping to update with a more upbeat state of mind in the future. Until then.....

Always,
M&C

Worry....

It's amazing what a day will bring, I wake up, get out of bed and feel pretty good about the day ahead.  And then there are other days that I wake up, get out of bed and just know it's not going to be a good day.  Today was the first description, until one little thing changed my good day into a not so hot day.  It's still early in the day, but right now, I'm feeling pretty down in the dumps.  Like any other day, I wake up and wonder if we'll get a phone call from AOW or not, or if our profile is being viewed or not and then that keeps me wondering all day long.  I jump every time the phone rings, or I get an email in my inbox and hope that it's the call or email we've been waiting for.  But each day comes and goes, and the anticipation and anxiety continues into the next day.  Like I said, some days are better than others, or maybe it's just because I'm more distracted on those days that I don't seem to have my mind on it as often, but it's always there.

Sometimes I can't help but think it's unfair that we want to become parents so badly, yet we aren't the ones that get to make that decision.  We have went through home studies, background checks, medical check ups and writing our life story and hopes and dreams in a profile so that someone else can choose if we are "fit" to be parents.  Do you know how hard that is?  Of course some people do know how hard that is because they've been through the adoption process, and others seem to think they know how hard that is, but until you're actually living in it, you have no idea.

Everyday I worry... it doesn't matter if it's the most stress-free day, I still worry.  I worry that maybe I didn't put something in our profile that I should've, or maybe I put too many pictures in it, or over designed it so it looks like I'm trying too hard.  Or maybe I put too little in it and it leaves too many questions unanswered about us.  Or maybe I said something wrong in it that turns off a person (birth mom).  I worry about these things everyday, on top of the normal, will I be a good mom, when will we get the call, what should I wear when we meet our birth mom, what will I say to her, ect...  On days like today, it seems like those questions will never be answered soon enough and maybe I did forget something in our profile, or put too much, but I'll never know because it's all out of my hands.  I have no control over any of it and it sucks.  I can ask the agency all the questions I want and they can give me the answers, yet I still feel like I'm out in the middle of the ocean by myself (well, with Cody of course) with no sort of direction.

I know I shouldn't be moaning the blues this much when we've only been in the outreach program for 4 short months and our journey has gone rather quickly, but I still can't help but wonder how long we will have to wait.  At least for all the moms out there that can get pregnant, they have a count down.  There's no counting down for us, only counting up......

Always,
M&C

What's in a name...

So adopting or pregnant, there is one fun thing we all get to experience and that's playing the naming game....  Cody and I have names in mind, but we've also been playing around with other names as well.  I couldn't help but laugh when I read on a website about the name "Cody"... it read, "Cody is a classic "new cowboy" name, calling up the image of showman Buffalo Bill Cody and the Wyoming city that bears his name.  A potential drawback is its eternal boyishness.  Like Toby or Corey, Cody is a name that just doesn't want to grow up."  I couldn't help but laugh out loud when I read that. Hahahaha!  Another laugh came when I read the comment about the name Francis, it read "Francis is someone who opens doors for a lady and becomes the leader of his local moose lodge"  WHAT? They got the open door comment correct, but the leader of the moose lodge? LOL Too funny!

For all the moms to be out there, here's a fun site to visit... www.babynamewizard.com  Oh... and if you thought we were going to crack and say names on here... NOPE, not going to do it! hahahahaha!  What's the fun in that?  Happy Valentine's Day everyone (a little early)!!!!

Always,
M&C

Some hopeful news

Hello all! Well, we did get some hopeful news today from our agency in the February newsletter that they send out to all adoptive families.  The agency is currently working with 5 unmatched birthparents, 4 of whom are looking at profiles right now.  We pray that our profile is being viewed at this time.  We are not asking the agency if we are being viewed, just hoping that we are.  Why aren't we asking, you may be wondering?  Well, if we ask and we are being showed and not picked, then we'll wonder why we weren't picked and if we ask and we aren't being viewed, then we'll be down that we're not being viewed... make sense?  So at this time, we're just hoping and praying that our birth mom is on her way to finding us and maybe one of the five that our agency is working with is her.  We keep waiting patiently...

Always,
M&C

I Love February!

Yay, it's February!  I'm not sure why I'm so excited about it, maybe it's just this week in general is exciting.  I have my friend Lisa visiting from TN with her beautiful 3 month old daughter, Maddie and I get to photograph her on Tuesday and then on Thursday I have my cousin coming up with her beautiful daughter for her 6 month pictures, also on Thursday is a pre-valentine's day dinner outing with family and friends and Friday at midnight (technically Saturday morning at 12am) Breaking Dawn Part 1 comes out on DVD and I WILL BE at Wal Mart to get it as soon as it comes out... yes I'm a twilight nerd! And if I have any luck, maybe Cody will take me to see The Vow this weekend, or if not him, I'm going to grab some girlfriends and go to it! Haha!  So that's the exciting things about this week... the week after I'm taking my mom to Sundara Spa for her birthday present for a few nights.  Just a girls get-away! Should be lots of fun as well!  Also in Feb... lots of Birthdays! Yay!  I have a feeling this month is going to fly!!!! Which is a good thing!  But anyways... I just wanted to post my excitement for the week.  Sorry there is no adoption news but thanks for reading!

Always,
M&C

Difficult Decisions...

How should I sum up last Friday... hmm... well, how about WOW, followed by some tears, anxiety, headache and heartache.  Without going into too many details, we were contacted by our agency about a possible showing of our profile to a birth mother.  (That was the WOW part)  But the more and more I read the email, there were factors we had to consider first before giving the agency a yes or no answer. (this is where the rest of the emotions came in).  I really don't want to share what was said in the email out of respect for the birth mother, but I will share this... I pray for her and hope that everyone reading this prays for her as well.  After a lot of discussion (& tears on my part), Cody and I are agreeing not to be viewed.  (Being viewed doesn't mean that we would be picked either, it's just as it reads, we'd be viewed, that's it, with a possibility of being picked.)  This was something we weren't really prepared to deal with, however, after going over everything over and over in our heads and hearts, we feel that this is the right decision to make in this situation.  More than ANYTHING in the world, we want to be parents, but we were faced with something we weren't totally comfortable with and it just didn't "feel right" at the same time.  I know, I know, I'm sure most of you are thinking... "are you crazy?" or "why would you pass this up?" BUT like I said, I don't want to go into too many details on here, but we'll answer questions privately for those of you that want to know what went on.  We do ask for your prayers though, not just for this birth mom and her child, but for us as well, because this wasn't the easiest decision to come to.  We feel that when it's our time to be parents, we'll know instantly, and it will feel right in our minds and in our hearts.  There's a reason for this hiccup in the road of our journey, but I feel it's just one step closer to our child.  Patience is a virtue, right?

So yes, we've hit our first bump in the road, but we're hauling right through it.  The reason of this blog is to share our story, good and bad, unfortunately this is our "bad" right now.  We're hoping some GOOD comes soon... but until then... we continue to wait for our miracle.... 

Always,

M&C

Fun Find!

Yes, the main purpose of this blog is for our adoption journey... however, I'd like to keep updating it often so I'm going to share other things as well as adoption things on here... so with that said....

I found a fun new app! (It might not be new to others, but it's new to me)  It's called Instagram.  It's a fun way to make your photos fun and a way to share them with friends and family! You can post them to instagram and "follow" people and see their pics as well, and you can also upload them to Facebook.  Here are a couple of images I've taken and put through instagram.  Enjoy!

Chesney boy

Gizmo...Wouldn't this make a good puzzle?

Taken during the first snow fall when it was pretty

My friend Nikki and her daughter Madelyn

My fav pic of Ches and Giz

My friend Lisa's little girl, Maddie (2 months)

My Godson, Levi... the mighty wrestler!